GUESS WHO'S BACK?

Well well well....look who it is. The Patriarch is back at it. You just can't get enough, can ya? And once again, you throw us for yet another loop. Last time we caught wind of your act, you went with the single peace sign/bunny ears/curve ball grip pose. Now all of the sudden you go and drop the double deuce Richard Nixon on us. Hot damn Mister, that's some old school steeze.

I think by the reaction of the woman in the background, it's safe to say this was a drive-by craning. She looks amused, yet confused. Don't fret little lady, that's just The Patriarch doing what he does best. Watch your drinks, he's coming in for a landing.

QUEEN OF THE CASTLE

The Holy Grail of burgerland my friends. And it didn't take some crazy, made-up, yet totally hilarious story to get there. Although Doogie Howser did steal the car while she was inside. Not even a stolen car by one of the greatest TV doctors of all time can keep this gal from craning 'the castle'. Enter thataway, young lady, enter indeed. Kudos.

ROBIN QUIVERS

For those of you who live in a box and don't know, Robin Quivers is Howard Stern's long time side kick/news woman/coffee enema and green drink savant. She is also rich and has very big boobs. Now, we're not saying this beautiful young lady surrounded by a horseshoe wall of craners is her. But we ain't sayin it's not her either. OK it's not her. But she sure as heck could win a look alike contest if there ever were one.

As for the rest of you chicks, not really certain what your deals are, but I like what I am seeing. The 3 B's are in effect at this party. Baseball, beers, and boobs. Would've been 4 B's but no one ordered Buffalo Wings. Weak.

PIRATE TREASURE

Q: What's another word for Pirate treasure?
A: Booty

That's right folks, that's some booty in the background. Big ones. Our homey Stan the Man took his act up to Martha's Vineyard for a little R&R, some lobsters the size of toilet seats, and of course, a little crane kick action. Stan happened to stumble upon a little nude beach while scouting out some sites for primo craning, and knew right away what he found was gold indeed. Guess what naked people, ain't no sunscreen on earth that can stop what hit the sand on this day. You got craned with your pants down.

THE FOUNDING FATHERS

This 4th of July, we here at the Crane Kick Chronicles took a brief timeout from imbibing on a few ice cold Moosehead's, and anything else we could get our hands on, to pay tribute to all the brave men and women throughout history who gave so much to keep our nation free. Thanks to your sacrifices, people from Philadelphia, PA to Port William, AK and all the areas around and in between are free to crane kick as they please all the places and spaces this country has to offer. This firework double craning is just a small token of our appreciation. God Bless America.